All my Christian life (which has been about three years-ish) I have been under the impression that everyone thought that lust was a "man problem". Women should not struggle with things like lust, masturbation, pornography, etc. I have never felt like this subject has been adequately addressed in the relationships that I have with other women or even in any small groups I have attended or sex-related discussions I have had.
Then why do I (personally) feel such a struggle? I'm a girl, I think about sex. I have a large desire to have sex or be sexually satisfied. At times, many times, I have given into this lush desire and ended up feeling ashamed and regretting my decision. I have even considered that sexuality is an affliction and humanity would be better off without it.
Part of my distaste for sexuality may stem from the fact that I have struggled with sexual imagery, exposure, and indulgence since I was very young. I was exposed to the world of sexual exploitation at age 5 when I stumbled across a stash of pornography hidden in the garage. Later on, the neighbor boy allowed us to have our way in a game if he was allowed to touch us in ways that we knew our mothers would not approve of. Around the age of 8, an older boy (about 12) played 'house' with me where he would simulate sexual actions with me to procreate. Six years later, I would begin willingly participating in sexual activity at the age of 14, only to be forced into it at the age of 15. I became promiscuous and eager to please my partners until I attended my first year of college and finally met God.
Today, at 20, I have attended counseling sessions, read numerous books, and turned to God to forgive myself and the others involved in this tainting of what sex was intended to be for me, and for all of those involved. It is still a process. At times, it leads my life. My battle is not over yet. (Ex) Boyfriend and I have been in a sexual battle for over a year now. We attempt to win, and often lose. Both of us have a long history of sexual sins that have led our lives.
I want to come across an author who has addressed this issue to women in a manner that is scriptural and relational. Sexual impurity and lust is not just a man issue. I am currently reading "Sex is not the problem (lust is)" by Joshua Harris. I have to say that it is the closest I have come so far to an author who has hit the nail on the head.
There are certain repetitive ideas that come to light in all the reading that I have done over the years and all the sermons I have listened to on sex and lust.
They are:
1. Sex is NOT bad. Sex is good... BUT sex is designed by God to be within marriage not because he is squashing your fun, but because of the amount of physical, mental, and spiritual connection that occurs within sex.
(NOTE! There is actually a scientific connection to this as well. Oxytocin (a hormone) is released during sex and in breastfeeding to create bonding.
(See: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ulterior-motives/200901/good-sex-is-good-relationships)
(There are other references, but Google is a good tool for all of you wanting more proof.)
2. Sexual desire is not something we can eradicate from our lives. It is like attempting to eradicate the need for oxygen in the body. However, there is healthy and unhealthy sexual desire, and we need to be able to recognize the difference.
3. Lust is what the issue is. Lust comes from dwelling on an idea or subject and eventually fantasizing upon it. I.e., seeing hot man (or woman) in supermarket and imagining your sex life.
4. We cannot control our lust and sexual desires without God. God created sexual desire to be good, but lust is what gets out of control.
Perhaps this book I am reading now will shed some new light on the subject, or maybe even lead to candid discussion with the women in my life. Sex is a tough topic. It is an embarrassing topic. I have learned that it is a topic that must be discussed, or it will consume you.
For a few books/audio about relationships/sex/etc. I suggest:
"Passion and Purity" by Elisabeth Elliot (I wanted to throw this book against the wall because it made me so mad that my relationship did reflect God the way hers did)
"Sex is not the problem (lust is)" by Joshua Harris (Ok, I'm not done with this one, but I can't not recommend the book I am currently reading)
www.boundless.org has an abundance of Christian based information and articles that will get you thinking. I suggest "Sex at the Edge of the Night" by J. Budziszewski.
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