Fierce Love

Emotions are so powerful. We can feel captivated, crushed, enraptured, enamored, angry, compassionate, lonely, important, degraded... all in the matter of minutes. All of these emotions are real and we feel them very deeply in the untouchable parts of our being. Here's the kicker - they may not be true.

For example:

Boyfriend (ex) just called me about a half hour ago to tell me we can no longer see each other. Instant emotional tidal wave crushing the very being of my heart. We already broke up two or three weeks ago and I felt my world collapsing around me as I cried (bawled, sobbed, felt like my stomach was going to come out of me and my ribs were going to break to pieces as my now black and dead heart bounced on the floor).

Now comes the interesting part of this break up extraordinaire - we both know that it is for the right reasons. We aren't angry with one another. Actually, we both really care for one another.

Background story:

Our relationship was originally based on this guy that Boyfriend used to be. He was trying to be a godly man, one of excellent morals, one who was funny and smart and witty. He knew when to tease me and when to quit, we had deep conversations, and we talked every night for six months after I moved to Minnesota and away from him.

When I moved to Washington last year about this time, I was already deeply and madly and fiercly in love with him. That still has not changed. But our relationship ended up becoming a trap. We were getting in each others ways and most importantly, getting in the way of God.

When Boyfriend (ex) and I are apart, I quickly find my way back into God's arms. I look in the mirror. I am honest with myself. I am honest with God. I realized that it is going to be awhile before I am fully alright again and suddenly I find myself happier, more free, able to enjoy God's glory. I find myself picking up relationships I have abandoned because I have been trapped inside my emotional hurricane that I created myself. By escaping this emotional hurricane, I become a better and happier person. I am able to do more for God and for the people around me.
Boyfriend (ex) knows this. He sees it the next time we are together... and then envelops me back into his hurricane. (Not on purpose of course, but because I miss him and I love him, I want to be around him. I'm comfortable. See how this happens???)

Now this is just speculation, so I am not 100% sure if this is true:
Boyfriend (ex) seems to stay trapped in his emotional hurricane. He can't escape it because he hasn't faced the demon of a hurricane. He hasn't acknowledged the steps that he needs to take to be able to return to his original state.

Now back to the point:
So many times I 'feel' a certain way. Someone cuts me off on the freeway and I get angry. I am hurting becuase Boyfriend (ex) and I are apart.

What if I knew the intentions of the person that was cutting me off on the freeway? Perhaps they were in a hurry to get to work on time. Boyfriend (ex) actually DOES care for me and we are apart because he isn't the person that he can be when we are together.

Both situations are extremely difficult because we really do feel these emotions. When people are lonely or upset, it is hard to see past those emotions to get to the truth. More times than not there is an upside to the situation.

It can work in the opposite direction as well. People can be very much in love and be getting married but do not have their married life planned. They may not understand how they are going to work on finances together, or if they both want children, or if they are honestly marriable.

People can be happy when they are on drugs but the drugs can be destroying their bodies.

So the next time that you get caught up in your emotions (and if you are like me, this is on a daily basis) take a minute to really evaulate if your emotions are true to the situation.