"Hey, get some more sleep."
"Woman, go to bed earlier."
"Drink more water!"
"This again!?!? I wanted some fruits and veggies, not fried foods!"
My body has been chastising me for not taking care of it again.
With these wacky hours I work, getting enough sleep (or too much!) can be a challenge at times. My windows aren't blacked out and I don't have my own bedroom so interruptions are common throughout the mornings when I am trying to sleep.
Getting up to work out is another total challenge... and boy do I feel the consequences of that! My muscles are extremely tight and could use a good long stretch and run. I tried that yesterday though, only to end up even more sore!
On top of all this: my budget just got extra strapped. My roommates and I got a new place but we have to pay two rents this summer each... and two can't pay so my roommate and I are footing the bill for now until they are able to pay us back. Bye bye fruits and vegetables!
So how to remedy this new shift challenge? I think I have a few ideas:
1. I just need to buy more yogurt so I can make my smoothies again.
2. Come up with a set sleep schedule - and stick to it. Since I cannot go to bed until 4 a.m. without struggling, I will make 4 a.m. my bedtime... and get 7-8 hours of rest before I get up again to exercise.
3. I need to make ME time. I keep talking about it but it never happens.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Sunshine!
The sun decided it wanted our relationship back. No more hiding behind the snow clouds, it promised. It even kissed me a little, leaving a bit of a mark after our afternoon together.
Sun, I wanted you back too. This wasn't one sided.
I ran outside today like a little kid runs into Toys 'R Us. I grabbed my towel, my bible, my bottle of water, and soaked up that sun like it was oxygen. I could absorb so much calcium right now! My bones are going to be in shock thanks to all that Vitamin D.
Basking in the glory of the sun gives me a TON of time to think about a lot of weird things:
1. Since I was reading/listening to Leviticus again (I sort of skimmed it and didn't really pay attention since that book has nothing in it but rules) the topic of the day seemed to be food... don't eat the fat, the kidneys, the long lobe of the liver, etc... that part is for God... but the meat is for the preists ya'll, and they are having USDA Choice Steaks tonight! The bread might be dry and chewy, but ooooh man those steaks!
2. Has anyone ever noticed that things that buzz are typically dangerous? A bee and horsefly buzzed by on several occasions... but that isn't the end of the list... Add in powerlines and chainsaws and I think I am on to something!
3. Sunshine either puts me to sleep quickly or wakes me up. Go from my dark bedroom cave into the blinding light of the day and I will be instantly awake... however I can be perfectly awake and go to the beach and I will be sleepy in a matter of minutes of tanning.
4. I'll admit, I can see why people thought there was a Sun God. Heck, if I was in some ancient society that was not aware of God... I would probably have made up a Sun God too. It just makes sense. I don't blame them. The sun is pretty awesome... but hey... that just means God is even MORE awesome.
Sun, I wanted you back too. This wasn't one sided.
I ran outside today like a little kid runs into Toys 'R Us. I grabbed my towel, my bible, my bottle of water, and soaked up that sun like it was oxygen. I could absorb so much calcium right now! My bones are going to be in shock thanks to all that Vitamin D.
Basking in the glory of the sun gives me a TON of time to think about a lot of weird things:
1. Since I was reading/listening to Leviticus again (I sort of skimmed it and didn't really pay attention since that book has nothing in it but rules) the topic of the day seemed to be food... don't eat the fat, the kidneys, the long lobe of the liver, etc... that part is for God... but the meat is for the preists ya'll, and they are having USDA Choice Steaks tonight! The bread might be dry and chewy, but ooooh man those steaks!
2. Has anyone ever noticed that things that buzz are typically dangerous? A bee and horsefly buzzed by on several occasions... but that isn't the end of the list... Add in powerlines and chainsaws and I think I am on to something!
3. Sunshine either puts me to sleep quickly or wakes me up. Go from my dark bedroom cave into the blinding light of the day and I will be instantly awake... however I can be perfectly awake and go to the beach and I will be sleepy in a matter of minutes of tanning.
4. I'll admit, I can see why people thought there was a Sun God. Heck, if I was in some ancient society that was not aware of God... I would probably have made up a Sun God too. It just makes sense. I don't blame them. The sun is pretty awesome... but hey... that just means God is even MORE awesome.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sucker Punch'd
"You have all the weapons you need. Fight."
What?!?!?
I went to see Sucker Punch tonight with Donny. If the film-makers intended on making me feel terrible, they succeeded.
If you add up all the terrible things that can be done to women, starting with not listening to them, throwing in rape, murder, prostitution, and just generally being pushed around, you have the recipe for Sucker Punch. I have to admit the movie was aptly named... since it certainly left me feeling like I just was emotionally sucker-punched.
If there were teenage boys in the audience I think they would be squirming in their seats with infatuation over the scantily clad girls yielding weapons in video-game-esque fantasy girl scenes. My friend disagrees with me and believes that teenage girls who are video-game obsessed would enjoy the film more.
I think you get the picture though - with names like SweetPea and BabyDoll and Blondie... this movie was NOT about strong female heroines. It objectified the girls in the movie and honestly, made me feel horrible. I felt bad for the characters, mad because of the injustice, and even when the happy ending came, I still was left with that horrible vomit taste in my mouth that no amount of fluids can wash away.
ugh. Maybe I should check the movies I watch out more before I actually spend money to see them. Thankfully it was only 3.50.
What?!?!?
I went to see Sucker Punch tonight with Donny. If the film-makers intended on making me feel terrible, they succeeded.
If you add up all the terrible things that can be done to women, starting with not listening to them, throwing in rape, murder, prostitution, and just generally being pushed around, you have the recipe for Sucker Punch. I have to admit the movie was aptly named... since it certainly left me feeling like I just was emotionally sucker-punched.
If there were teenage boys in the audience I think they would be squirming in their seats with infatuation over the scantily clad girls yielding weapons in video-game-esque fantasy girl scenes. My friend disagrees with me and believes that teenage girls who are video-game obsessed would enjoy the film more.
I think you get the picture though - with names like SweetPea and BabyDoll and Blondie... this movie was NOT about strong female heroines. It objectified the girls in the movie and honestly, made me feel horrible. I felt bad for the characters, mad because of the injustice, and even when the happy ending came, I still was left with that horrible vomit taste in my mouth that no amount of fluids can wash away.
ugh. Maybe I should check the movies I watch out more before I actually spend money to see them. Thankfully it was only 3.50.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Oh how I cried for your existance
I never knew how much I want to be a mother until the chance to be a mother was seemingly stripped from me yesterday.
My gynecologist informed me that my symptoms are classic symptoms of PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, one of the most common endocrine disorders in women that affects fertility. Basically my body doesn't produce the correct hormones and over produces androgen close to my cycle (the male hormone).
PCOS affects approximately 5-10% of the female population (and that is a lot). It causes irregular menstrual cycles and ovulation issues, obesity, unsightly hair growth, and can possibly lead to Type 2 Diabetes and some heart issues later on down the road. Infertility is the biggest scare factor in the diagnosis of the disease. However, since I am at a normal weight (hallelujah) the blood factors and other issues do not affect me as much at the moment. My doctor said that if I were to gain weight that the symptoms would most likely rear their ugly little heads again and it would be highly unlikely for me to be able to become pregnant.
She said that by putting me on birth control now we can eliminate a lot of the other issues that are associated with PCOS. It explains why while on birth control as a teen, I lost weight and felt healthier overall. If I ever want to be pregnant, it will have to be well planned and include hormone therapy and I must be at a healthy weight...
So I guess that means no more donettes.... (Man, I love those things!)
This news came out of the blue for me. I felt crushed because it seemed like it was no big deal to her to inform a 20 year old girl that she is going to have difficulty having babies. Having children is one of the most important things that I want to do in my life. All day yesterday I felt devastated, crushed, and defeated... but strangely, not mad at God. I thought I would be... but instead I just felt deeply saddened by this news.
I still believe I will have children. When - I don't know. Where- I don't know. How - I don't know. But I trust that this deep set desire will be fulfilled one day. Maybe I will have a child of my own or maybe I will adopt a child.( I have always wanted to adopt a child.)
I cried immensely over my loss yesterday. I cried because I never thought that I would be one who would struggle with infertility. I have read stories of women who struggle with it and felt sympathy for them never even considering that it could be me in their position. I cried and I prayed for peace to come, begged for relief, and wept because I feel that somehow my identity as a woman has been destroyed.
Today I have found a little relief and a little peace. I am not as concerned about the inability to have a child because the truth is that there is hope - I can have a child but it will just be more difficult for me to conceive. If God chooses to bless me and my future husband with children so we can glorify Him more, let it be. If my future husband and I are able to glorify God more without children, as hard as it would be, let it be. I do not think God plans on hurting us. I think that God has instilled a desire for medicine, ministry, and family in me because He plans on using me in really great ways with the things that he gives. I only hope that I can live up to the full potential that I have and be able to let go when I have to.
My gynecologist informed me that my symptoms are classic symptoms of PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, one of the most common endocrine disorders in women that affects fertility. Basically my body doesn't produce the correct hormones and over produces androgen close to my cycle (the male hormone).
PCOS affects approximately 5-10% of the female population (and that is a lot). It causes irregular menstrual cycles and ovulation issues, obesity, unsightly hair growth, and can possibly lead to Type 2 Diabetes and some heart issues later on down the road. Infertility is the biggest scare factor in the diagnosis of the disease. However, since I am at a normal weight (hallelujah) the blood factors and other issues do not affect me as much at the moment. My doctor said that if I were to gain weight that the symptoms would most likely rear their ugly little heads again and it would be highly unlikely for me to be able to become pregnant.
She said that by putting me on birth control now we can eliminate a lot of the other issues that are associated with PCOS. It explains why while on birth control as a teen, I lost weight and felt healthier overall. If I ever want to be pregnant, it will have to be well planned and include hormone therapy and I must be at a healthy weight...
So I guess that means no more donettes.... (Man, I love those things!)
This news came out of the blue for me. I felt crushed because it seemed like it was no big deal to her to inform a 20 year old girl that she is going to have difficulty having babies. Having children is one of the most important things that I want to do in my life. All day yesterday I felt devastated, crushed, and defeated... but strangely, not mad at God. I thought I would be... but instead I just felt deeply saddened by this news.
I still believe I will have children. When - I don't know. Where- I don't know. How - I don't know. But I trust that this deep set desire will be fulfilled one day. Maybe I will have a child of my own or maybe I will adopt a child.( I have always wanted to adopt a child.)
I cried immensely over my loss yesterday. I cried because I never thought that I would be one who would struggle with infertility. I have read stories of women who struggle with it and felt sympathy for them never even considering that it could be me in their position. I cried and I prayed for peace to come, begged for relief, and wept because I feel that somehow my identity as a woman has been destroyed.
Today I have found a little relief and a little peace. I am not as concerned about the inability to have a child because the truth is that there is hope - I can have a child but it will just be more difficult for me to conceive. If God chooses to bless me and my future husband with children so we can glorify Him more, let it be. If my future husband and I are able to glorify God more without children, as hard as it would be, let it be. I do not think God plans on hurting us. I think that God has instilled a desire for medicine, ministry, and family in me because He plans on using me in really great ways with the things that he gives. I only hope that I can live up to the full potential that I have and be able to let go when I have to.
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